I'm in quite the funk. That's not quite the right phrase, but it will have to do.

I've been thinking a lot about life in the future lately. This is prompted quite a bit by my parents and my own general need to know what I'm going to do with my life. Most people probably would say now is the best time to be thinking about it. I like thinking about what I want to do with my life. Or should I say, I used to enjoy that. Now, at this point in my life, it seems like whatever I choose, determines how my life plays out. That scares me beyond imagination. I don't know what I want for my life anymore.

I'm scared that if I go to college right after high school (which is the "right" thing to do), I'll never be able to travel, do the things I've dreamed of, and really live. I'm terrified of living an "average" life the rest of my life. I don't mean that living a life much like average Americans is aweful...I just don't have a desire for that anymore.

I so badly want to go and be on my own in a place where I know no one or know very few people. I want to dive head on into different cultures. I want to experience life.

I want to go and share the love of Christ with people.

I don't want to be here.

I don't know how to do this. I don't even know where I want to start out at. I don't know how I would even afford all of this. But, I do know this: I do not want to go through my life not doing what I have always wanted to do; and then wake up one day, wrinkled and bent with age and regret not living to it's fulness the life which God has given me.

Brianna