The struggles of life are so hard. They are difficult. Separation is difficult and painful...no matter what blessings you might try and see through it, it still does not alleviate the painful nature of the separation.

I know I am being hid beneath the Shadow of HIS wings. That is the comfort I am finding right now. Knowing that regardless of the situation and of whatever I may have done, He still loves me. He still cares for me with all of His being. He loves me. He protects me. He is my friend. He is enough.

Praise be for that.

Brianna

Thanksgiving sometimes seems like an exercise in apathy, and little more.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~The Apostle Paul

Paul wrote this in a letter after telling the church in Corinth (Greece) that he had been struggling with a vice and had asked God three times to remove it (apparently, saying something 3 times in Greek is like shouting or writing it in italics). It was something terrible, perhaps physical, perhaps emotional. Whatever it was, Paul struggled with it for a long time, and he hated it, but through this he learned how to trust God more, as the passage above implies.
Now, I am not trying to make Paul's thorn seem less important or serious by comparing it to mine, but I am struggling with something hard now too. I REALLY doubt that it is worse or as bad as his was, but that does not mean it is easier to deal with. It's making everyday life more complicated, it's testing my patience and endurance, and it's making me question my dreams, and future plans. I have always thought that dreams are good things-they are gifts from God. Most of my dreams require the action that this thorn is taking away from me: to walk the hippy trail, to hitch hike across the U.S.A. with a true friend (sappy, I know, but a dream's a dream), to rescue Sudanese children from captivity. Is this thorn God's way of showing me that these are not the dreams He wants me to chase? Or is He just telling me to be patient, to bear the pain silently, and to look towards brighter tomorrows with fresh hope? He hasn't told me what it is yet. I do know, however, that His mercies are new every morning. I know that this pain is only temporary,and that though I may be weak physically, I can be strong spiritually.




Lydia

I'm at a stage in my life where all it seems I'm doing is figuring out stuff. I'm figuring out where I'm going to attend college in the fall. I'm trying to find scholarships so I can somehow afford school.

Honestly, it stresses me out. I'm so overwhelmed my it all. There are so many different sites to look at and so many things to fill out and try to write. I'm stuck in this stage where I'm paralyzed by all of this. I'm so scared that I won't get in where I want to go, and even if I do, that I won't be able to go there because I can't pay for it. Really, I think the later option is what scares me the most. I'm terrified of being stuck here. No, it's not like I hate where I am...I don't exactly. I just can not be here next year. The closest of my friends, the ones who share in my hearts desires and life goals, etc., they won't be here. I can not be here without them.

The three of us support one another while we're here. None of us want to stay here, and all of us share in the desire to serve somewhere in this world...mostly out of the states. Since we all have this singular desire, we all hold one another up.

This is partially why I don't want to be here. The closest of my friends are going to be out, doing something else, something they want and desire while I am stuck...stuck in the mundane in a place I have grown tired of. I know that sounds harsh...when I've tried to explain it before, I've gotten shocked expressions. I don't know how to put what I'm feeling in less-harsh words.

I just remain waiting on my Savior. Waiting to see where He will take all of this. I know it's all in His hands, and I need to rest in that. It's hard and I really struggle with that concept sometimes, but that's also just me needing to rely on Christ even more.

I am daily needing more and more of Christ. Nothing I do ever is enough. Praise God for His grace being more than enough.


Brianna

My parents paid for a photographer that we know to take my senior pictues a couple weeks ago. She did a great job. This one is my favorite because I love my worn out shoes .

I have an issue with keeping shoes forever. I don't want to let them go, I want to wear them until they disintegrate. Let me tell you why.

1) I don't want to waste. If the shoe fits-why buy another pair?

2) I can be picky about shoes and sometimes have trouble finding replacements that I like.

3) I love love love having shoes that tell my story. I love dirt and grime, and getting all messed up so that I can be cleaned again. I like seeing the threads in my shoes because, to me, that says "you've done something, Lydia. you've been places. you've worked hard." And in the end, that's what I want my life to say.

Sure, we are young.
Yes, there are things we do not know or understand.
Of course life is going to be hard.
That does not give anyone a right to tell us we can't, to say that we must do a certain something.
Our lives are just that: our lives.
We have a right to make our own mistakes.
How will we learn if we never live?
Independence is hard, but it's something we all have a right to pursue.
Why do youcomplain as if life is a punishment?
Why do you act like you had nothing to do with making your life what it is?
I see, I know, I can tell.
Your decisions decide your destiny.
Maybe even your happiness.
Do not try and re-write your story through me.
Stifling us will not give you a second chance.
Only you can do that.

It's time for change; why shouldn't we want it?




Lydia

These are my new coloured pencils! I am so blessed to have the money to buy them for my own use. I'm working on a drawing for my Grandma's Christmas present! Shhhhh

People ask me what college I'm going to after high school.
They don't ask me what I want to do with my life.
They ask what college.
It's as if college is the object, not the life to be lived after it.
I don't understand.

People ask why I'm not just going for an art major.
As if that wouldn't be the easy thing.
They try and get their ideas for me in.
Make the things I'm considering seem less suitable.
This life has been given to me, not to them.
Lord love them,
He knows I do.
It's just hard to deal with people's assumptions for me when I'm dealing with 750 other things. Most unpleasant.

I want to go on a week long canoe trip.
I want to jump on a trampoline.
I want to swim the English channel, climb Mt. Everest, write a book.
I want to rescue little Albanian boys and girls from terrible, lifelong sex slavery.
I want to skinny dip in the Pacific, and splatter paint a house.
I long to take the hippie trail. From Europe to India;
From India to Nepal,
Back to Europe.

Even though I long to be free of the constraints put upon me by others,
by society in general,
I've gotta chill out.
I must breathe in.
And then out.
Drive the car a little bit to fast
with the music to loud.
Waiting on time
To carry me to freedom.
This is my life.
Now is the most important moment.
I don't want to waste it.





Lydia


Like a south bound train
Here's a song for leavin.
Don't you know that pain,
It's a part of the healin.

I really hate good-bye's.

Most people...most normal people...don't like having to let go and say good-bye to people. I am definitely this way. I hate it. I hate it like I hate death. We let people in, we submurge ourselves in the lives of people and allow them to have a deep part in our life, only to turn around one day and say good-bye, sometimes just for a season and other times for life.

Often-times our saying good-bye's are just for a short time. That's just what generally happens. I think the hardest good-bye's are the ones we say not knowing at all when we'll next see the person. The unknown is always scary. I have had to say goodbye to people this way several times this summer. It is so difficult. It's just hard. I find myself asking God why He's brought these people into my life only to take them away almost immediately. I know He's faithful, and I know there is a purpose to it...it doesn't make it any easier for me. I'm just grappling with my flesh and with my emotions...I'm being human.

I've always wondered why it hurts so much to say good-bye. I think I might actually know...maybe. It's because of love. It's because we pour into someone our love and we just love on them until we can't anymore. Then-POOF-they're gone. But, I do truly believe it's better to have loved until it hurts, than to not love at all. Yes, it doesn't make it any easier to say good-bye...but imagine how they feel being loved on. I know that if it were me, I want someone to love me without holding back anything.

Love until it hurts...and then love some more.

Summer's over, and how it flew by! My summer was a whirl wind of many different things: work outside, work inside, free work, and paid work. It had good moments, and bad. 82 days of being; a glimpse into what life is like on the other side of High School.
I was able to take advantage of a bunch of super fantastic oppurtunities such as: travel, teach a little girl how to read (!!!!), meet new people, help a fab old lady take care of her very special grandson, sell bracelets that I made to retailers, and just chill (a very little bit) with my ridiculously off the wall friends. So good.
And now, here I am: the end of the beginning. Finished with school on the first day of Senior year. Times change, and now is the time to hit the books, to return to academics, and to (hopefully) have more time to devote to art.
In the next few months I'll start calling colleges, and figuring fractions. It's time to read a lot, to glue a lot, to listen. It is time to spend time with the people I love, and will leave. It's time to have a steady schedule (sadface), and to make some really important decisions.
I'm buckleing down to face reality, and to bid adieu to life as I've always known it.

Now is the time,
Now is my time;
Now is really no different than all the other times, except for everything.

I'm home. Back from New York City, and slowing getting used to being at home and being back in my home routine. It's hard. I don't feel like I should be back. It seems like it's not right for me to be back and getting back to "life." But at the same time does feel good to be back. My heat is torn and my life has been wrecked, but that's only because of God. God's allowed me to be vulnerable, and allowed my heart to be changed. I've seen the change start, and I've seen Him change everything. My life's been put upside down, and I'm so excited to see where else He's going to take me.

Brianna

Brianna is gone...but I'm back. It's uncool being gone at different times, yet it was nice to come back, and hang a little before she left to do her part.
I'm really excited for her. Like, more excited than I've been since Jamaica 2011. I've grown up going on short term mission trips, but this is a first for her. I know that I love them, and basically always have. I think it's her turn to discover the beauty of them. It's gonna be hard, I know, but I can already imagine her walking away from this adventure with so much more. Growth, knowledge, love, it's all inevitable on trips like these. Truly inevitable.
We owe these wonderful oppurtunities to our parents, our church families, and our God. Mission trips remind us how big the story that the Lord has invited us to join in the telling of really is, and it's an eye-opening reminder every time. We are small. God is big.





Lydia


P.S. That was Mrs. P, Brianna's mom, on the last post. Hahahahahaha!

Tomorrow I'm headed for New York City. I'll be gone for 2 weeks.

This experience I know will be wonderful...truth be told I have no idea what to expect and a little nervous--but I'm excited. Prayers please!

See you in 2 weeks!


Brianna

Well I have been back for a few days now...and the trip was fantastic. Really just great. The first half of the week (10 days, actually) was probably one of the most challenging periods of my life, but I feel like I walked away from it knowing more of God than I did before. And that's all I really want from life. More of my God and Saviour.

What the Native people of this country have been forced through is a tragic story, and there's many ways to look at it. You can look at this people as a race with their own culture that's been ripped away from them, who have been left with nothing but some land. You can look at it as a race of people who may have gotten the bad end of a deal hundreds of years ago, but should get over it.

The way I look at it though, is that there's a group of people who have been wronged as a race, who are generally living below the poverty line, and who haven't been shown the Gospel in the right way. I believe that it's my duty as a Christian to help them. That's really it. I don't really care what anyone thinks about the situation, so long as they try to help.

I think I remember how to do this. It has been ages, and for this I do apologize.

Life right now has been crazy. This past week was as crazy busy as I think I have ever been. And I'm standing in front of my upcoming week slightly scared, because it has the potential to be almost as busy. Lord give me strength.

I've been learning a lot right now about God, people, where I'm at in life, etc. I just have to say how incredible it is to look at what's going on and just see God working.

God provided for Lydia's missions trip, and as I write this, she's in Washington state on a Native American Reservation. The way God provided for her trip is incredible in and of itself. God has provided for her not only financially, but by providing just the right type of trip. This was exactly what Lydia wanted. I cannot wait to hear all of her stories and see all her pictures. Pray for her this week as she's far from home serving these beautiful people.

Not only has He provided for Lydia's trip, but also for my missions trip to New York City. I have been praying for a while that I'd be able to serve on some kind of missions trip. I've never before gone on one, but I know it's exactly right. Anyways, I found this trip and went through all the necessary steps and eventually was accepted. The hardest part of committing to this trip for me, was figuring out how the money would be provided. I couldn't have paid for all of it. My parents wouldn't have been able to pay for all of it. I had to trust to much that God would take care of it. About two or three weeks after having sent out my support letter, my trip was completely paid for. ALL OF IT. I do not have to pay for a single thing. My parents don't have to pay for a single thing. I am still so overwhelmed by this. The generosity of the body of Christ has astounded me, and I can say that it has greatly strengthened my faith. It's only possible through HIM! 13 days until I leave!!!

I've been working at my job now for 1 year. A whole year! This job has been a huge blessing and I continue to be blessed by the friendships I have made and the people I have come to call my other family. They are such a blessing to me. When I don't work for several days at a time, I actually miss them. They mean that much to me. I've really been thankful for my job lately because I'm surrounded by people who for the most part don't a faith similiar to mine or who have no faith. This has caused me to grow, and I've come to see that this is my mission field right now. This is the place God has provided to use me now. I want to take and engage these people. I want to love them like Christ loves us. If that means I go without a couple of non-essential items so that I can get something for someone who needs something at work then so be it. I love to do that for them.

OH! And it's summer...yeah...it's so stinkin hot.

So much is going on. Life is moving at the speed of light and I'm holding on for dear life. There is so much to be done in such a small amount of time. I pray that I'll be an adequate vessel that will be used.


Brianna

Assuming everything goes as planned, I will be the farthest away from home I've ever been tomorrow by this time. Another splendid adventure. So thankful and excited! Pictures will be up in 10 days!

<3

-I'm pretty sure that my best friend is a hero. She buys less wealthy people shoes. She gets food to people who are going through a hard time. She gives money to friends who can't afford the things they need. If that doesn't make you a hero, I don't know what does.

-Someone paid for the rest of my mission trip to Washington this summer for me tonight. He's going to get one heck of a crown when the role is called up yonder. Just sayin.

-Another hero of mine whom I love (Melinda!) is going to be coming home from Africa this week.

Could I be any more happy, or more thankful for, or more proud of my brothers and sisters in Christ?

I doubt it.

I'm selling these bracelets for my mission trip to Washington (state)this summer. I'll be working on a Native American reservation. Email me at spoopsandyoyo@gmail.com if you want to buy one. They're $3 each, and really the snazziest bracelets known to fundraising. You can even pick your own colour! Don't miss out ;)

My dear Father, he's been my boulder. My strong tower to lean on. He's supported our family in the rough times, and during the easy times. He's been rock and has always done what's necessary. He's worked at the bottom, with a smile on his face. He's faced the emotionally tiring times of life with a firm resolve. I am so thankful and greatful for the role he has in my life. I look forward to the life ahead with my father.

Happy Birthday, Dad!


Brianna

I am ever so blessed. My mother gave me life. She raised me up (with help from my father, of course). She changed my diapers. She has held me when I cry, and still does. She feeds me. Gives me money for some gas. Comforts, supports, and encourages me. She makes me look at what I'm doing and makes me really think about it, on occaision. She loves me.

My mom is a huge blessing to me, my brother and father, and to people who surround her. I am so thankful for her, and for her life. Lord, thank you for her.

Happy Birthday, Mom!



Brianna