Saturday, January 29, 2011

Pretty much all year I have been asking God to show me something beautiful every day. I considered doing a 365 dealio where I noted something beautiful from every day, but decided against it because it would no doubt get repetitive (the sunset today, the sunrise this morning, that random tree, this random tree, etc.). If I were doing a 365 of beauty, however, today it would be Melinda, because it is her birthday, and she is beeeeautiful.

Happy Birthday, Melinda!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

God Is Good
A crowded hospital chapel filled full with praying, tearful people is what I found one Sunday night. Just hours before life was going on as usual; the sun was out, the sky was beautiful--life was normal. With one message, with one sentance, life changed--forever altered by the severity and sadness of the situation. One of my closest friends' mom jad died. Without warning, without any reason, she had passed from this life to the next by the will of God.
My mind blurred. My heart felt a literal ache. Not only had my friend lost her mother and friend, I had also lost someone. This woman I looked up to, spoke freely to, and who loved me, was gone.
In the hour or two before I went to the hospital I wrestled with the events that had happened. I tried to understand and figure out why God did this, why He had chosen to take one of the most wonderful witnesses of Him out of this world. This I could not do. To this day I honestly still do not understand the "why." In those moments, my mind was full with the mess of what was happening.
Then I was there, in the hospital, waiting anxiously for one of my friends so that we might enter the chapel together. I could not enter alone. As soon as she arrived we entered together, red-faced and teary-eyed. In that moment, reality struck me once again, bringing me to my knees.
The room was quiet. Pain and grief lingered in the air like a bad stench. There she was, my dear broken friend, wrapped in the embraces of our fellow friends. She was more vulnerable than ever before. But in the midst of that stench was the aroma of love, it was prayer. A sign of hope, of light, in the darkness.
That night is a memory forever burned into my brain. I will never forget it. As horrible as it was, God's presence was there drawing me and those around me closer to Him. Never before did I pray more deeply, never before had I cried so hard, but He was there. His might hand moved and guided all of us that nightand in the days to come just like He always does.
Through this pain, through this heartache, He is still good. God's goodness still existed even in this situation. My friend who lost her mother, she and I grew even closer. Our hearts and souls are forever intertwined. My other friends also grew closer with one another. We all were hurting. We all were searching for hope in the situation.
It still hurts; the pain is still present. The pain will probably never go away. That is okay. God is good--that is enough.
(This is an essay I was assigned to write for an English project. The point was to convey emotion and tell about an event in your life that happened that you remember vividly.)

Monday, January 24, 2011

Sweet girl,

Listen with your heart for a moment. I want you to hear this.
You are beautiful. Look at the face of the water and see! Every inch of you was perfectly crafted. Never listen to others when they talk you down. They say these things because they are afraid. Afraid of your Maker, and of your beauty. So do not entertain the idea that you are a mistake
I want you to know that my heart breaks every time you cry. Your broad, strong face was not meant to bear tears. Your eyes are too perfectly shaped and coloured to be so obscured.
You need to know that you have the potential to do great things if you look not only to yourself, but also to Someone Greater.
The world around you is a cruel one. It will beat upon you, it will be cruel to you, and it will be cruel to the ones you love. Lift up your head and be strong! Smile in the face of those who hate you because your God is the most loving and splendid being of all time. He is angered by their cruelty. He takes pride in that which they berate.
Believe all of this and love and mercy will emanate from you the way light comes forth from the sun. You are a chosen woman, darling child, and nothing will ever change that!





(New label-"redemption". Quite possibly my favorite:))

Saturday, January 22, 2011

I have this weird thing in my mind where memories get connected to songs, and I'll remember random stuff when I hear the song. It's actually pretty cool. Helps my crappy memory. I thought I'd share a couple here:

You Take My Troubles Away (Rachel Yamagata and Dan Wilson): Airplane lift off and that weird feeling like you're being cradled by the sky when airbourne.

Food Chain (Eric Hutchinson): Outdoor church potlucks.

All I Want Is You (Barry Louis Polisar): My dad doing his weird yodelling thing.

Dead and Gone (T.I. and Justin Timberlake): Used car shopping.

Wavin' Flag (K'naan): Jamaica 2011 (all thanks to Robert).

That's Some Dream (Good Old War): Riding my bicycle!

...and so on. It's pretty bizarre, the way songs and memories mesh in my brain. But it's fun to be reminded of random events on occasion :D

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Do you know what I'm talking about when I describe a twisty, aching feeling in your chest that comes when your heart has really taken a beating? You know when you go through something hard, or you watch somone you love suffer? It's like a physical suffering that's one hundred percent linked to your feelings. Sometimes it can be so bad that you feel almost nauseated/sick all over. If you've felt it, you should know exactly what I'm talking about. If not, you probably think I'm insane. It's all good.

Anyway, I've only felt it twice that I remember. When Ms. Sample died first, and now I'm feeling it again. I know it's pretty ridiculous of me. I was only in Jamaica a week, but I really really miss the kids, and the friends I made there. I don't understand how I love them this much after just one week. I don't understand at all, but my heart is twisting and contracting inside of me. Like crazy. It's not a pining away, I-wish-I-was-somewhere-else-feeling. It's just a sadness over partings that have to exist in this world. It's just a I-love-you-and-want-to-be-able-to-hug-you-everyday feeling. I guess that's called missing someone. Well I miss a lot of people.

Last week was a turning point for me, because I finally mastered something I've been struggling with for a while now. I now understand what it means-what it is- to really be in the moment. I've been trying to acheive a complete now-ness in my life recently. Before last week, it was just going okay. A little progress, but no major turning points. On Friday of last week, though, I finally grasped it. I finally had a right-now-is-everything moment. It was wonderful. It was like seeing life for what it is: a collection of moments. All we have is the present time. There are moments past, but they are gone. There are moments to come, but they aren't here yet. What I realized and experienced was the true right now. My only time. I think that's what made that day and the next so memorable to me. I was there, and those moments were all I had. It didn't matter that there will probably be more moments, and more time to come. It mattered that I was right there right then, and that it was an important moment. I'm determined to carry this on throughout my life. While planning, and being prepared is invaluable, I think that knowing how important every second is, and taking advantage of the current time is even more so. There will never be another right now. There may be a future; there has been a past. But first and foremost is the present, and I don't want to waste it. Whether I'm doing chemistry, watching a movie, or holding a child, right now is important, and I don't want to spend it looking forward at what could be, or back at what has been. Now is important; now is a gift.




Lydia

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Friday, January 7, 2011

In the morning I am leaving for a missions trip to Jamaica. Here's how I feel, and why:

I'm excited! Exactly how much of our time do we get to spend in other countries, meeting nice little deaf kids, and doing hardcore (ok, maybe not hardcore) physical labour in an attempt to raise their living standards?

I'm hopeful. I look forward to seeing more of God this week than usual. Change does that to me.

I'm worried and nervous. This is a hard one. You see, I am pretty much a feminist. About as feminist as a person can get. And often times in settings like the one where we're going...people don't share my views, and often hold opposing ones. I'm determined to remain calm no matter what and resist entertaining the idea of kicking people. It's good to be nervous and worried sometimes, though. It reminds me Who is in charge.

Most of all, I am thankful. Thankful to get away for a while. I haven't been feeling good emotionally or physically lately, and even if it doesn't get better while I'm gone, at least I'll know that traveling doesn't help :P

Au Revoir, Etats-Unis.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Ok, you know something true? I dare you to disagree on this one. The most real thing there is. is love. It's been so romanticized and exaggerated that we kind of feel stupid thinking about it, but if I know one thing to be true, it is that love is real. Surely there are several variations of love, but that is not the point. The point is that there is love here, and if you have nowhere else to look, look to love. Find love, because even when your world falls down around you, even when you watch your friends' worlds fall down around them, even when you feel completely alone, and even when there are no relationships left to turn to, there is love. Thinking about my future is like staring at the sun. When you stare at the sun, it hurts, and it kind of worries you, but you know there's always going to be good light coming from it. When I think about my future, I do get worried, and it does hurt in a way, but I know there will always be love in it.
Love lifts us up. Love is no trick. Love is what we are for. Not love of the game, but rather, broken love, that really is what everything is about.

There is a saying from the Bible that goes: "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God". Well I think that if anything defines my year for me, it is that verse. God took a lot away from my life. He took my absolute favorite thing to do (run), He took Mrs. Sample, He took my preferred job oppurtunities, and He took my self confidence. All of this, and I feel like I have more now than I ever had. I think it's much easier for me to enter the kingdom now, and I think that this is proof that what He has really given me is perspective. Global perspective, yes, but also a delightfully fresh perspective on my life (in relation to His mercy and majesty). What He really did was give me a fully-functioning body, a great role model, contentment, and He gave me humility. Thank you is an understatement.

No resolutions this year, only love.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Celebrate in your own way, and I'll celebrate in mine.
Think about your tears (from this year), and I'll think about mine.
Look forward to the time that's been given you, and I'll look forward to that which I've been given.
I wish you all peace and love.

happy trails, friend.



Lydia