The first half of this week has gone by in a flurry of feverish painting and furious school-doing. I started a painting on Monday that kind of swallowed me whole, so I've been catching up on school, as well as touching up that painting since then.
I began it with the intention of giving it to a friend of mine, but then got to where I liked it too much to give it away. As I was touching it up, however, I realized that the picture I had created was an animate representation of a dream that belongs to my friend. Not my dream, hers. And that made me really happy. Then the words Carpe Diem popped into my head. Like out of nowhere. Seize the day, I thought. Seize the day. This was a picture of my friend seizing the day: living her dream. How awesome is that? I'm going to paint pictures for some of my other friends too, pictures of them living their attainable dreams. Who knows? Maybe one of them will motivate a friend to take action and make it happen. (I decided to title the paintings Carpe Flippin' Diem, adding the flippin' to balance out my surfacing memory of two years of unadulterated, despicably brutal Latin translations).
All this got me to thinking about whether or not I do seize the days I am given. If I knew today was the last sunny day of the week would I be outside, basking in it's otherworldly luminescence? If I knew that tomorrow I was going to become paralyzed from the waist down, would I go for a hike right now? What if I learned that I have a month left to live? Would that reveal to me new beauties in my everyday life? Once I died, would I look back and see thousands of missed oppurtunities to show love, reach out, help, and be helped?
If I don't take a spontaneous camping trip half way across the country now, will I ever?
If I make up an excuse to avoid helping people today, will I always ignore others?
Will I ever give, if I don't now?
Will there be a better time than the present?
If not now, then when?

I don't want to look back and see what wasn't; how can any of us like the idea of looking back and seeing a life full of beauties wholly taken for granted? As far as I can tell, all real rewards spring from getting involved in stuff, living life with others, and taking advantage of everything wonderful that comes our way.

So Carpe Flippin' Diem, and seize the heck out of your day.


Lydia

Yesterday, Brianna and I were in a church class dealio and we were talking about the sovereignty of God or something, and how He has the ability to take anyone of us or any of our relatives at any moment. The "teacher" quickly mentioned various semi-common ways to die like cancer, heart failure, or an anuerysm in ones' brain. When he said that last one I heard Brianna (next to me) suck in her breath. I looked at her, and then remembered. That's how Ms. Sample died. I immediately felt mellow, and sort of stirred up. It was just like wow. How quickly one unexpected reminder got my heart back to feeling sad, and confused.
Later yesterday I had prayer time with a girl named Anna and she mentioned almost crying during the morning class. Her beloved aunt passed away a while back from cancer-another of the diseases/inflictions that had been mentioned. We found out that we've both suffered the same sorts of grief. It was nice to speak to someone who knows exactly what it's like, and who felt the same way I did that morning.
How crazy is it that grief can bring us together in ways that life never has?




Lydia

Today I burned a few CDs for friends (legally-I burned them off of itunes). They are awesome. Stinking awesome if I do say so myself. A few of my favorite songs that I put on them are:

Heaven Song by Phil Wickham
You and I by Ingrid Michaelson
How He Loves by David Crowder Band
So in Love feat. Jack Johnson and Colbie Callait by Ted Lennon
The One Who Loves You the Most by Brett Dennen





Lydia

Here's (my side of) the story:

Yesterday (Sunday) evening I got home around 6:40 p.m.* Uncle Jim and Aunt Mary were over for dinner. I checked my phone at 8:15. I opened a message from Emily (sent at 6:49) that said "My non has fallen and is not breathing. This is serious! Please pray!" I thought she was talking about her grandma because of the "non" part. But then I saw a whole bunch of other messages from friends asking if it was really true. I knew it was Mrs. Sample at that point, but was in denial. It couldn't be. I then read a message from Emily that said "My mom died today. Please pray for my family". Still I denied it in my heart. I called Brianna. The moment we confirmed the truth we started crying and trying to wrap our minds around it. I cried harder than I have ever cried over someone's death.
I then went out and told my family. I was so choked up I could barely say the words: "Mrs. Sample died about an hour ago". We shared a family hug as we all cried. Uncle Jim and Aunt Mary left.
I went back to my phone and texted other friends to let them know.

I then faced the decision of whether or not to go to the hospital. I called Molly-another of Emily's best friends. She said to come if I felt like I should. I had heard about a lot of other people who were going and was afraid Emily felt crowded. I decided not to go.
At 8:40 I got a text from Emily that said: "Lydia, I need to talk to you." I literally ran out of my room and got in the car. That was the most touching thing anyone has ever said to me. There is no feeling like that of being wanted and needed. Dad drove me to Baptist Health. Emily was in the chapel with her dad, friends, and church family when I got there. I went in and sat on a back row. Molly gestured me towards the front. I went to where Emily was. She stood up and embraced me. I am never going to forget that moment. It was what our relationship is all about. I was there for her. She felt my love for her, and I felt like I couldn't give enough. I held her and told her I loved her.

A few minutes later we all moved out of that room. I got to hug many friends who I hadn't seen in some time. God was there.

Brianna, our dads, and I went to Kroger and got all of Emily's favorite snacks as well as food and drink for the friends and family on their way to the Sample home.
We rushed through that and I actually saw an old friend working at Kroger. Another hug.
When we got to the Sample's home, all of Emily's girl friends had her on the couch laughing. She hadn't forgotten; she'll never forget-but she was distracted for the moment. For a moment it was like all the parties we have had in her living room. After she had eaten and chilled for a while, I asked her and Brianna if we could go upstairs to pray, since Brianna's dad needed to leave. So we sat on Emily's bed, held hands, and prayed. At that point I was mostly out of tears, but we cried a little bit as we prayed for traveling mercies and everything else that needed to be prayed for. We then embraced once more and left.

Today (Monday), I called Brianna when I woke up. We both had pounding heads, and huge, red eyes. We didn't know what to do.

I felt led to visit Madison, (another of Emily's closest friends-she's known Mrs. Sample since at least second grade. She is also one of my closest friends.) so I did. I go to Madison's house often and find it a very comforting place. Her parents really care about my life, and help me with Chemistry, etc. I went there to be comforted, and to comfort Madison. I wanted to see someone who was feeling what I was feeling. I am very glad I went. Mrs. Gladden told me more great things about Mrs. Sample, including: "She was one of my best friends, and I don't even know who her best friend was. She poured herself into others."
I left Madison's late this afternoon with more confirmation in my heart than ever before. So I cried as I drove down the Boulevard. I stopped at Tropical Smoothie to see Brianna. We hugged and I left-I had to get home before 5p.m.

Here I am. I felt like typing this all up would give me even more confirmation. I'm searching for rest in my heart. I am almost there, but I know Emily isn't. It will take her much longer. It was her mother. So I am praying for her and Mrs. Sample's soul mate, Stephen, along with all the other family, and us: Emily's friends, as we watch her hurt. And as we each hurt as well.

There is a tattoo on my heart that says "Love Well-MHS", because Mary H Sample loved well, and I want to love like her.

Lydia



*I'm not completely sure about most of these times, I apologize.