Wednesday, August 31, 2011

People ask me what college I'm going to after high school.
They don't ask me what I want to do with my life.
They ask what college.
It's as if college is the object, not the life to be lived after it.
I don't understand.

People ask why I'm not just going for an art major.
As if that wouldn't be the easy thing.
They try and get their ideas for me in.
Make the things I'm considering seem less suitable.
This life has been given to me, not to them.
Lord love them,
He knows I do.
It's just hard to deal with people's assumptions for me when I'm dealing with 750 other things. Most unpleasant.

I want to go on a week long canoe trip.
I want to jump on a trampoline.
I want to swim the English channel, climb Mt. Everest, write a book.
I want to rescue little Albanian boys and girls from terrible, lifelong sex slavery.
I want to skinny dip in the Pacific, and splatter paint a house.
I long to take the hippie trail. From Europe to India;
From India to Nepal,
Back to Europe.

Even though I long to be free of the constraints put upon me by others,
by society in general,
I've gotta chill out.
I must breathe in.
And then out.
Drive the car a little bit to fast
with the music to loud.
Waiting on time
To carry me to freedom.
This is my life.
Now is the most important moment.
I don't want to waste it.





Lydia


Like a south bound train
Here's a song for leavin.
Don't you know that pain,
It's a part of the healin.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

I really hate good-bye's.

Most people...most normal people...don't like having to let go and say good-bye to people. I am definitely this way. I hate it. I hate it like I hate death. We let people in, we submurge ourselves in the lives of people and allow them to have a deep part in our life, only to turn around one day and say good-bye, sometimes just for a season and other times for life.

Often-times our saying good-bye's are just for a short time. That's just what generally happens. I think the hardest good-bye's are the ones we say not knowing at all when we'll next see the person. The unknown is always scary. I have had to say goodbye to people this way several times this summer. It is so difficult. It's just hard. I find myself asking God why He's brought these people into my life only to take them away almost immediately. I know He's faithful, and I know there is a purpose to it...it doesn't make it any easier for me. I'm just grappling with my flesh and with my emotions...I'm being human.

I've always wondered why it hurts so much to say good-bye. I think I might actually know...maybe. It's because of love. It's because we pour into someone our love and we just love on them until we can't anymore. Then-POOF-they're gone. But, I do truly believe it's better to have loved until it hurts, than to not love at all. Yes, it doesn't make it any easier to say good-bye...but imagine how they feel being loved on. I know that if it were me, I want someone to love me without holding back anything.

Love until it hurts...and then love some more.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

This is an example of the new bracelet I'm selling! Each button will be different and I found 4 different colours of hemp that I like and will be incorporating into different pieces of jewelry. $3 each, just like before.
Here's hoping that my Bracelets for Change line will raise some serious money once more. I'm headed for Jamaica again in January!

Shalom, friends.




Lydia

Monday, August 22, 2011

Summer's over, and how it flew by! My summer was a whirl wind of many different things: work outside, work inside, free work, and paid work. It had good moments, and bad. 82 days of being; a glimpse into what life is like on the other side of High School.
I was able to take advantage of a bunch of super fantastic oppurtunities such as: travel, teach a little girl how to read (!!!!), meet new people, help a fab old lady take care of her very special grandson, sell bracelets that I made to retailers, and just chill (a very little bit) with my ridiculously off the wall friends. So good.
And now, here I am: the end of the beginning. Finished with school on the first day of Senior year. Times change, and now is the time to hit the books, to return to academics, and to (hopefully) have more time to devote to art.
In the next few months I'll start calling colleges, and figuring fractions. It's time to read a lot, to glue a lot, to listen. It is time to spend time with the people I love, and will leave. It's time to have a steady schedule (sadface), and to make some really important decisions.
I'm buckleing down to face reality, and to bid adieu to life as I've always known it.

Now is the time,
Now is my time;
Now is really no different than all the other times, except for everything.

Monday, August 8, 2011

What is it about the ocean?
There's just something about the ocean that makes me want it, that stirs me up. I find myself drawn to it, daydreaming about it. When I step out near it, my emotional turbulence level immediately jerks upward. I feel like crying, and like laughing, but somehow, I also feel completely calm.
As I walked on the hard sand earlier tonight, the ocean's tide coming and going, it's breeze washing over me, I felt like a goddess...and a child. How is it that the ocean is so big, so truly mesmerizing, and yet so contradictory?
There was a sensation as though the oceans' hands were on me, running its' fingers through my hair, tracing the lines of my body. Just so, it played with my hair, pulled me here and there, as though I was its' child, and it wanted me to follow the same path it had chosen.
The ocean is so big that it houses its' own species: so beautiful that people drive for days to catch a glimpse, and so magnificent that an entire subculture is based around its' unique patterns and habits.
When I walk next to the ocean, I walk next to something frightening, something beautiful, something tremendous. It sings the world to sleep. It carasses the skin of children everywhere. The mountains, and valleys are impressive no doubt, but to me, the sea is the crowning glory of our galaxy. The moon shines over the entire ocean, highlighting the white caps. The sound of waves tumbling to shore lulls the people to sleep as we lay down, and embrace our natural rhythm.
At the end of the day, I followed the tide, and walked slowly beside my lover.