All I keep telling myself to do is "breathe." Everything will be okay. Everything will work out.

This passage from Matthew is one I hold very closely to me heart.


"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or "What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:25-34


I am at peace resting on these words of hope.

Brianna

The struggles of life are so hard. They are difficult. Separation is difficult and painful...no matter what blessings you might try and see through it, it still does not alleviate the painful nature of the separation.

I know I am being hid beneath the Shadow of HIS wings. That is the comfort I am finding right now. Knowing that regardless of the situation and of whatever I may have done, He still loves me. He still cares for me with all of His being. He loves me. He protects me. He is my friend. He is enough.

Praise be for that.

Brianna

I'm at a stage in my life where all it seems I'm doing is figuring out stuff. I'm figuring out where I'm going to attend college in the fall. I'm trying to find scholarships so I can somehow afford school.

Honestly, it stresses me out. I'm so overwhelmed my it all. There are so many different sites to look at and so many things to fill out and try to write. I'm stuck in this stage where I'm paralyzed by all of this. I'm so scared that I won't get in where I want to go, and even if I do, that I won't be able to go there because I can't pay for it. Really, I think the later option is what scares me the most. I'm terrified of being stuck here. No, it's not like I hate where I am...I don't exactly. I just can not be here next year. The closest of my friends, the ones who share in my hearts desires and life goals, etc., they won't be here. I can not be here without them.

The three of us support one another while we're here. None of us want to stay here, and all of us share in the desire to serve somewhere in this world...mostly out of the states. Since we all have this singular desire, we all hold one another up.

This is partially why I don't want to be here. The closest of my friends are going to be out, doing something else, something they want and desire while I am stuck...stuck in the mundane in a place I have grown tired of. I know that sounds harsh...when I've tried to explain it before, I've gotten shocked expressions. I don't know how to put what I'm feeling in less-harsh words.

I just remain waiting on my Savior. Waiting to see where He will take all of this. I know it's all in His hands, and I need to rest in that. It's hard and I really struggle with that concept sometimes, but that's also just me needing to rely on Christ even more.

I am daily needing more and more of Christ. Nothing I do ever is enough. Praise God for His grace being more than enough.


Brianna

I really hate good-bye's.

Most people...most normal people...don't like having to let go and say good-bye to people. I am definitely this way. I hate it. I hate it like I hate death. We let people in, we submurge ourselves in the lives of people and allow them to have a deep part in our life, only to turn around one day and say good-bye, sometimes just for a season and other times for life.

Often-times our saying good-bye's are just for a short time. That's just what generally happens. I think the hardest good-bye's are the ones we say not knowing at all when we'll next see the person. The unknown is always scary. I have had to say goodbye to people this way several times this summer. It is so difficult. It's just hard. I find myself asking God why He's brought these people into my life only to take them away almost immediately. I know He's faithful, and I know there is a purpose to it...it doesn't make it any easier for me. I'm just grappling with my flesh and with my emotions...I'm being human.

I've always wondered why it hurts so much to say good-bye. I think I might actually know...maybe. It's because of love. It's because we pour into someone our love and we just love on them until we can't anymore. Then-POOF-they're gone. But, I do truly believe it's better to have loved until it hurts, than to not love at all. Yes, it doesn't make it any easier to say good-bye...but imagine how they feel being loved on. I know that if it were me, I want someone to love me without holding back anything.

Love until it hurts...and then love some more.

I'm home. Back from New York City, and slowing getting used to being at home and being back in my home routine. It's hard. I don't feel like I should be back. It seems like it's not right for me to be back and getting back to "life." But at the same time does feel good to be back. My heat is torn and my life has been wrecked, but that's only because of God. God's allowed me to be vulnerable, and allowed my heart to be changed. I've seen the change start, and I've seen Him change everything. My life's been put upside down, and I'm so excited to see where else He's going to take me.

Brianna

Tomorrow I'm headed for New York City. I'll be gone for 2 weeks.

This experience I know will be wonderful...truth be told I have no idea what to expect and a little nervous--but I'm excited. Prayers please!

See you in 2 weeks!


Brianna

I think I remember how to do this. It has been ages, and for this I do apologize.

Life right now has been crazy. This past week was as crazy busy as I think I have ever been. And I'm standing in front of my upcoming week slightly scared, because it has the potential to be almost as busy. Lord give me strength.

I've been learning a lot right now about God, people, where I'm at in life, etc. I just have to say how incredible it is to look at what's going on and just see God working.

God provided for Lydia's missions trip, and as I write this, she's in Washington state on a Native American Reservation. The way God provided for her trip is incredible in and of itself. God has provided for her not only financially, but by providing just the right type of trip. This was exactly what Lydia wanted. I cannot wait to hear all of her stories and see all her pictures. Pray for her this week as she's far from home serving these beautiful people.

Not only has He provided for Lydia's trip, but also for my missions trip to New York City. I have been praying for a while that I'd be able to serve on some kind of missions trip. I've never before gone on one, but I know it's exactly right. Anyways, I found this trip and went through all the necessary steps and eventually was accepted. The hardest part of committing to this trip for me, was figuring out how the money would be provided. I couldn't have paid for all of it. My parents wouldn't have been able to pay for all of it. I had to trust to much that God would take care of it. About two or three weeks after having sent out my support letter, my trip was completely paid for. ALL OF IT. I do not have to pay for a single thing. My parents don't have to pay for a single thing. I am still so overwhelmed by this. The generosity of the body of Christ has astounded me, and I can say that it has greatly strengthened my faith. It's only possible through HIM! 13 days until I leave!!!

I've been working at my job now for 1 year. A whole year! This job has been a huge blessing and I continue to be blessed by the friendships I have made and the people I have come to call my other family. They are such a blessing to me. When I don't work for several days at a time, I actually miss them. They mean that much to me. I've really been thankful for my job lately because I'm surrounded by people who for the most part don't a faith similiar to mine or who have no faith. This has caused me to grow, and I've come to see that this is my mission field right now. This is the place God has provided to use me now. I want to take and engage these people. I want to love them like Christ loves us. If that means I go without a couple of non-essential items so that I can get something for someone who needs something at work then so be it. I love to do that for them.

OH! And it's summer...yeah...it's so stinkin hot.

So much is going on. Life is moving at the speed of light and I'm holding on for dear life. There is so much to be done in such a small amount of time. I pray that I'll be an adequate vessel that will be used.


Brianna

Poem 30 of 30.


Tree House
by Shel Silverstein

A tree house, a free house,
A secret you and me house,
A high up in the leafy branches
Cozy as can be house.

A street house, a neat house,
Be sure to wipe your feet house
Is not my kind of house at all-
Let's go live in a tree house.

I find this poem to be incredibly funny. I laugh a lot, and immediately think of one of my friends for some reason...even though she'd never...well, yeah.


My Beard
by Shel Silvertein

My beard grows to my toes
I never wears no clothes,
I wraps my hair
Around my bare,
And down the road I goes.

We all knew this was coming. Or could at least guess this was coming. I love Jason Castro, so very much. This is one of my favorite songs he has done. It's happy and kind of goofy.


If I Were You
by Jason Castro

If I were you
I would fall for me
Keep every promise,
Answer my calls
And I would never let you down
Ohhh

If i were you I would turn that car around
Come speeding back tonight
And I, I would wonder how
I got so lucky that I'm right here with you
If i were you I'd know exactly what to do

I would take you by the hand and i would keep holding tight
If you wanna go to sleep I got a lullaby
I know exactly what to say and i would do what you need
If I were you, I would fall for me
Yeah, I would fall for me

If I were you I would drop out of school
Forget the grades, you'd have it made
You'll see, you belong to me
If I could make you realize that all you want is all I've got
Please stay here and don't ever leave, no

I'm so happy that I'm right here with you
Loving you is really all I've wanted to do

I would take you by the hand and I would keep holding tight
And if you wanna go to sleep I got a lullaby
I know exactly what to say and I would do what you need
If I were you I'd fall

Again and again and know if you have any doubt
And if you ever for a second forget what you've found
I'll show you the world, I'll make you believe
If I were you, I would fall for me
I'd fall hard and fast and I'd never look back if I were you
Just close your eyes and you'll see, yeah

I would take you by the hand and I would keep holding tight
If you wanna go to sleep I got a lullaby
I know exactly what to say and I would do what you need
If I were you, I'd fall again and again
And know if you have any doubt
And if you ever for a second forget what you've found
I'll show you the world, I'll make you believe
If I were you, I would fall for me, for me, for me, yeah

This is one of my "random" poems. I re-found this poem today. It's one of my favorites. Happy Easter!


My Advocate
by Martha Snell Nicholson

I sinned. And straightway, post-haste, Satan flew
Before the presence of the most high God,
And made a railing accusation there.
He said, "This soul, this thing of clay and sod,
Has sinned. 'Tis true that he has named Thy name,
But I demand his death, for Thou hast said,
'The soul that sinneth, it shall die.'
Shall not Thy sentence be fulfilled?
Is justice dead?
Send now this wretched sinner to his doom.
What other thing can righteous ruler do?"
And thus he did accuse me day and night,
And every word he spoke, O God, was true!

Then quickly One rose up from God's right hand,
Before Whose glory angels veiled their eyes. He spoke,
"Each jot and tittle of the law
Must be fulfilled; the guilty sinner dies!
But wait -- suppose his guilt were all transferred
To Me, and that I paid his penalty!
Behold My hands, My side, My feet! One day
I was made sin for him, and died that he
Might be presented, faultless, at Thy throne!"
And Satan flew away. Full well he knew
That he could not prevail against such love,
For every word my dear Lord spoke was true!

"Paradise"
This is a song. I love the bridge, I think it's a piece of the picture of the diversity of heaven.


Give Me Your Hand
by Enter the Worship Circle

VERSE 1:
Give me your hand and we'll walk, walk down together
Lift up your hands and we'll sing, sing here together

CHORUS:
How good it is to know you God, How lovely is... your Bride
How blessed we are... to have... each other
You hold us all close...by your side

VERSE 2:
Come with me now and we'll dance, dance here together
Lift up your heart and we'll dream, dream here together

BRIDGE:
There's none to poor, too dirty, too broken
Too naked, too stupid, too drunken, to be

Thrown outside His love!

This is one of my random poems.

Let No Charitable Hope
by Elinor Wylie

Now let no charitable hope
Confuse my mind with images
Of eagle and of antelope:
I am by nature none of these.

I was, being human, born alone;
I am, being woman, hard beset;
I live by squeezing from a stone
What little nourishment I get.

In masks outrageous and austere
The years go by in single file;
But none has merited my fear,
And none has quite escaped my smile.

"Song"

Dust Bowl Dance
by Mumford and Sons


The young man stands on the edge of his porch
The days were short and the father was gone
There was no one in the town and no one in the field
This dusty barren land had given all it could yield

I've been kicked off my land at the age of sixteen
And I have no idea where else my heart could have been
I placed all my trust at the foot of this hill
And now I am sure my heart can never be still
So collect your courage and collect your horse
And pray you never feel this same kind of remorse

Seal my heart and brake my pride
I've nowhere to stand and now nowhere to hide
Align my heart, my body, my mind
To face what I've done and do my time

Well you are my accuser, now look in my face
Your opression reeks of your greed and disgrace
So one man has and another has not
How can you love what it is you have got
When you took it all from the weak hands of the poor?
Liars and thieves you know not what is in store

There will come a time I will look in your eye
You will pray to the God that you always denied
The I'll go out back and I'll get my gun
I'll say, "You haven't met me, I am the only son"

Seal my heart and brake my pride
I've nowhere to stand and now nowhere to hide
Align my heart, my body, my mind
To face what I've done and do my time

Well yes sir, yes sir, yes it was me
I know what I've done, cause I know what I've seen
I went out back and I got my gun
I said, "You haven't met me, I am the only son"

"Hope"

Auf Wiedersehen
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Until we meet again! That is the meaning
Of the familiar words, that men repeat
At parting in the street.
Ah yes, till then! but when death intervening
Rends us asunder, with what ceaseless pain
We wait for the Again!

The friends who leave us do not feel the sorrow
Of parting, as we feel it, who must stay
Lamenting day by day,
And knowing, when we wake upon the morrow,
We shall not find in its accustomed place
The one beloved face.

It were a double grief, if the departed,
Being released from earth, should still retain
A sense of earthly pain;
It were a double grief, if the true-hearted,
Who loved us here, should on the farther shore
Remember us no more.

Believing, in the midst of our afflictions,
That death is a beginning, not an end,
We cry to them, and send
Farewells, that better might be called predictions,
Being fore-shadowings of the future, thrown
Into the vast Unknown.

Faith overleaps the confines of our reason,
And if by faith, as in old times was said,
Women received their dead
Raised up to life, then only for a season
Our partings are, nor shall we wait in vain
Until we meet again!

"Joy"


Tears of Joy
anonymous

When I behold Thy peerless face.
Beaming with love, O Lord.
What fear have I of earthly woe
Or of the frown of sorrow?

As the first ray of the dawning sun dispels the dark.
So too, Lord, when Thy blessed light
Bursts forth within the heart.
It scatters all our grief and pain with sweetest balm.

When on Thy love and grace I ponder,
In my heart’s deepest depths.
Tears of joy stream down my cheeks
beyond restraining.

Hail, Gracious Lord! Hail.
Gracious One! I shall proclaim Thy love.
May my life-breath depart from me as
I perform Thy works.

"Story"

Go Down Death
by James Weldon Johnson

Weep not, weep not,
She is not dead;
She's resting in the bosom of Jesus.
Heart-broken husband--weep no more;
Grief-stricken son--weep no more;
Left-lonesome daughter --weep no more;
She only just gone home.

Day before yesterday morning,
God was looking down from his great, high heaven,
Looking down on all his children,
And his eye fell of Sister Caroline,
Tossing on her bed of pain.
And God's big heart was touched with pity,
With the everlasting pity.

And God sat back on his throne,
And he commanded that tall, bright angel standing at his right hand:
Call me Death!
And that tall, bright angel cried in a voice
That broke like a clap of thunder:
Call Death!--Call Death!
And the echo sounded down the streets of heaven
Till it reached away back to that shadowy place,
Where Death waits with his pale, white horses.

And Death heard the summons,
And he leaped on his fastest horse,
Pale as a sheet in the moonlight.
Up the golden street Death galloped,
And the hooves of his horses struck fire from the gold,
But they didn't make no sound.
Up Death rode to the Great White Throne,
And waited for God's command.

And God said: Go down, Death, go down,
Go down to Savannah, Georgia,
Down in Yamacraw,
And find Sister Caroline.
She's borne the burden and heat of the day,
She's labored long in my vineyard,
And she's tired--
She's weary--
Do down, Death, and bring her to me.

And Death didn't say a word,
But he loosed the reins on his pale, white horse,
And he clamped the spurs to his bloodless sides,
And out and down he rode,
Through heaven's pearly gates,
Past suns and moons and stars;
on Death rode,
Leaving the lightning's flash behind;
Straight down he came.

While we were watching round her bed,
She turned her eyes and looked away,
She saw what we couldn't see;
She saw Old Death.She saw Old Death
Coming like a falling star.
But Death didn't frighten Sister Caroline;
He looked to her like a welcome friend.
And she whispered to us: I'm going home,
And she smiled and closed her eyes.

And Death took her up like a baby,
And she lay in his icy arms,
But she didn't feel no chill.
And death began to ride again--
Up beyond the evening star,
Into the glittering light of glory,
On to the Great White Throne.
And there he laid Sister Caroline
On the loving breast of Jesus.

And Jesus took his own hand and wiped away her tears,
And he smoothed the furrows from her face,
And the angels sang a little song,
And Jesus rocked her in his arms,
And kept a-saying: Take your rest,
Take your rest.

Weep not--weep not,
She is not dead;
She's resting in the bosom of Jesus.

"Silly"

The Purist
by Ogden Nash

I give you now Professor Twist,
A conscientious scientist,
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"
And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."

"Peace"

When All Is Done
by Paul Laurence Dunbar

When all is done, and my last word is said,
And ye who loved me murmur, "He is dead,"
Let no one weep, for fear that I should know,
And sorrow too that ye should sorrow so.

When all is done and in the oozing clay,
Ye lay this cast-off hull of mine away,
Pray not for me, for, after long despair,
The quiet of the grave will be a prayer.

For I have suffered loss and grievous pain,
The hurts of hatred and the world's disdain,
And wounds so deep that love, well-tried and pure,
Had not the pow'r to ease them or to cure.

When all is done, say not my day is o'er,
And that thro' night I seek a dimmer shore:
Say rather that my morn has just begun,--
I greet the dawn and not a setting sun,
When all is done.

"Love"

The Look
By Sara Teasdale

Strephon kissed me in the spring,
Robin in the fall,
But Colin only looked at me
And never kissed at all.

Strephon's kiss was lost in jest,
Robin's lost in play,
But the kiss in Colin's eyes
Haunts me night and day.