All I keep telling myself to do is "breathe." Everything will be okay. Everything will work out.

This passage from Matthew is one I hold very closely to me heart.


"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or "What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:25-34


I am at peace resting on these words of hope.

Brianna

A few weeks ago I was at a friend's house for a party and some pizza. Shortly after I got there I noticed her turn the oven on and slip the pizza (in the boxes) into it. Less than ten minutes later she opens it to pull them out and smoke starts pouring from the mouth of the oven, then fire. There's five girls there. Two just stand at a distance and observe, one jumps around yelling about a fire extinguisher, one runs around grabbing glasses of liquid to dump on the mess, and I stand there knowing that there's a better way to deal with this, but that way eludes me. I simply join in the dashing of water and soda onto the pizza. The fire goes out and we laugh hysterically.
Looking back, I realize that the better way I was searching for was to close the oven and thus cut off the oxygen fueling the fire. Such an obvious answer, and if we had thought of it, both pizzas could have been saved. But we did not think of it. And that is OK. I think, in a crazy way, this story can be related to how things pan out in real life most of the time. When we have hindsight, we often see better ways to have done things, but that doesn't mean we should have done it that way. It just means that to our flawed minds, it looks better. I don't regret standing there wondering what to do as the two other girls jumped into action, or not asking her what the heck she was thinking by putting the cardboard boxes into the lighted oven. It's fine.

To be a peacemaker, you have to be at peace with yourself and the things you do.


I really believe that (just so far as we don't make peace with our sin). Sometimes we have to make decisions in a matter of minutes. What's best for us. What's best for others. Sometimes it doesn't turn out well, sometimes our decisions fix everything. But no matter what we do, how hard we regret, or how proud we are of the action we took, la la la la life goes on. Pages turn. Stuff ends. New things begin. It's hard but it's beautiful. Our spirits give us the strength to bounce back with renewed energy. That energy is freedom. Freedom to stary over, to try new things, to meet new people. To be open. Life is like a brook that bubbles past. We are little rocks that get stuck in it's currents and gulleys. The water shapes us, molds us. Our hearts are bruised by its racing fury. We float on again. All of this is God's work of sanctification in us, and it is perfect in spite of our blemishes.
Things never seem to end in this world. They just stop for a while....and then they are back, or something quite similar takes their place. Saying goodbye is only temporary. Bidding adieu won't last forever. God's plan is usually different than ours and it is always wonderful.



The End.




(for now at least :))



Lydia

And I said Oh My Lord, why am I not strong?
Like the wheel that keeps the traveller travelin' on
Like the wheel that will take me home.
~The Tallest Man on Earth

The struggles of life are so hard. They are difficult. Separation is difficult and painful...no matter what blessings you might try and see through it, it still does not alleviate the painful nature of the separation.

I know I am being hid beneath the Shadow of HIS wings. That is the comfort I am finding right now. Knowing that regardless of the situation and of whatever I may have done, He still loves me. He still cares for me with all of His being. He loves me. He protects me. He is my friend. He is enough.

Praise be for that.

Brianna

Sometimes I wonder if weather is a reflection of our deep inward feelings in a tangible way.

Thanksgiving sometimes seems like an exercise in apathy, and little more.

It's Thanksgiving week so me and my baby sister have had more time to hang out! We made this picture out of melted crayons yesterday, and managed to shut the power down for a minute (apparently 2 is too many blow dryers going at once;))! It's not the most beautiful thing that I have made, but we spent time together and that's what matters.

I <3 you, baby sis.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~The Apostle Paul

Paul wrote this in a letter after telling the church in Corinth (Greece) that he had been struggling with a vice and had asked God three times to remove it (apparently, saying something 3 times in Greek is like shouting or writing it in italics). It was something terrible, perhaps physical, perhaps emotional. Whatever it was, Paul struggled with it for a long time, and he hated it, but through this he learned how to trust God more, as the passage above implies.
Now, I am not trying to make Paul's thorn seem less important or serious by comparing it to mine, but I am struggling with something hard now too. I REALLY doubt that it is worse or as bad as his was, but that does not mean it is easier to deal with. It's making everyday life more complicated, it's testing my patience and endurance, and it's making me question my dreams, and future plans. I have always thought that dreams are good things-they are gifts from God. Most of my dreams require the action that this thorn is taking away from me: to walk the hippy trail, to hitch hike across the U.S.A. with a true friend (sappy, I know, but a dream's a dream), to rescue Sudanese children from captivity. Is this thorn God's way of showing me that these are not the dreams He wants me to chase? Or is He just telling me to be patient, to bear the pain silently, and to look towards brighter tomorrows with fresh hope? He hasn't told me what it is yet. I do know, however, that His mercies are new every morning. I know that this pain is only temporary,and that though I may be weak physically, I can be strong spiritually.




Lydia

I'm at a stage in my life where all it seems I'm doing is figuring out stuff. I'm figuring out where I'm going to attend college in the fall. I'm trying to find scholarships so I can somehow afford school.

Honestly, it stresses me out. I'm so overwhelmed my it all. There are so many different sites to look at and so many things to fill out and try to write. I'm stuck in this stage where I'm paralyzed by all of this. I'm so scared that I won't get in where I want to go, and even if I do, that I won't be able to go there because I can't pay for it. Really, I think the later option is what scares me the most. I'm terrified of being stuck here. No, it's not like I hate where I am...I don't exactly. I just can not be here next year. The closest of my friends, the ones who share in my hearts desires and life goals, etc., they won't be here. I can not be here without them.

The three of us support one another while we're here. None of us want to stay here, and all of us share in the desire to serve somewhere in this world...mostly out of the states. Since we all have this singular desire, we all hold one another up.

This is partially why I don't want to be here. The closest of my friends are going to be out, doing something else, something they want and desire while I am stuck...stuck in the mundane in a place I have grown tired of. I know that sounds harsh...when I've tried to explain it before, I've gotten shocked expressions. I don't know how to put what I'm feeling in less-harsh words.

I just remain waiting on my Savior. Waiting to see where He will take all of this. I know it's all in His hands, and I need to rest in that. It's hard and I really struggle with that concept sometimes, but that's also just me needing to rely on Christ even more.

I am daily needing more and more of Christ. Nothing I do ever is enough. Praise God for His grace being more than enough.


Brianna

My parents paid for a photographer that we know to take my senior pictues a couple weeks ago. She did a great job. This one is my favorite because I love my worn out shoes .

I have an issue with keeping shoes forever. I don't want to let them go, I want to wear them until they disintegrate. Let me tell you why.

1) I don't want to waste. If the shoe fits-why buy another pair?

2) I can be picky about shoes and sometimes have trouble finding replacements that I like.

3) I love love love having shoes that tell my story. I love dirt and grime, and getting all messed up so that I can be cleaned again. I like seeing the threads in my shoes because, to me, that says "you've done something, Lydia. you've been places. you've worked hard." And in the end, that's what I want my life to say.

Walk on, Little Darling.

Your tears run down my shoulder.

It breaks my heart

Over and over.

I hate seeing you like this,

Knowing that it only gets harder.

You didn't know that all the bad in the world is so painful;

Adults do such a good job of hiding it.

It's not fair that no one warned you

It's not fair that that would not have helped.

Your tears fall onto my shoulder

My sweatshirt soaks them up.

I am watching you discover all the things that tore me up.

Not long ago, I was you.

I was the one with the tears in my eyes,

With my heart being split in two by a new,

A cruel feeling.

Death, pain, grief, turmoil,

It all paralyzes you.

Paralyzes your emotions,

Paralyzes your thoughts.

You have to go on.

You have to look up.

I am here for you forever

But I cannot take it all away.

Face the world with a rainbow in your heart.

Walk on, battered but not diminished.

Little darling, life is going to scar you.

It has distressed my body and soul in the same way.

Every one is going to hurt you,

Like Bob warns us,

You just have to decide who is worth it.

You're worth it to me

So tell me what you need to,

Keep hidden what you don't.

I am not looking for a good story.

I don't want to be in the middle of things.

Tell me when you need me

And I will be gone when you don't.

I will let you down

But in your heart you know that He won't.

So walk on, Little Darling.

Walk with your heart in His hands

And thrive.

Sure, we are young.
Yes, there are things we do not know or understand.
Of course life is going to be hard.
That does not give anyone a right to tell us we can't, to say that we must do a certain something.
Our lives are just that: our lives.
We have a right to make our own mistakes.
How will we learn if we never live?
Independence is hard, but it's something we all have a right to pursue.
Why do youcomplain as if life is a punishment?
Why do you act like you had nothing to do with making your life what it is?
I see, I know, I can tell.
Your decisions decide your destiny.
Maybe even your happiness.
Do not try and re-write your story through me.
Stifling us will not give you a second chance.
Only you can do that.

It's time for change; why shouldn't we want it?




Lydia

These are my new coloured pencils! I am so blessed to have the money to buy them for my own use. I'm working on a drawing for my Grandma's Christmas present! Shhhhh

"The Trip was to be an Odyssey in the fullest sense of the word, an epic journey that would change everything. He had spent the four previous years, as he saw it, preparing to fulfill an absurd and onerous duty: to graduate from college. At long last he was unencumbered, emancipated from the stifling world of his parents and peers, a world of abstraction and security and material excess, a world in which he felt grievously cut off from the raw throb of existence. He intended to invent an utterly new life for himself, one in which he would be free to wallow in unfiltered experience." -Into The Wild, by Jon Krakauer.

This quote is speaking of a guy named Chris McCandless (self-named Alex Supertramp), who I have recently added to my list of heroes. After he graduated from college, he took off in his car, and when it died, on foot, just to traipse around. To tramp the continent. He canoed to Mexico! He had great experiences (as well as near-death ones), and lived with nature, as a part of nature. Unfortunately, he died in 1992, but I still think most highly of him. He was tough, peace-loving, and a little out-there, like John the Baptist, Nelson Mandela or Mother Teresa. I like people like that. I hope to be a person like that.

"In reality, there is nothing more damaging to the adventorous spirit within a man than a secure future....The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." -Alex Supertramp

Just thought I'd share one man's story that has truly inspired me to find a new and different sun every day!

Here's another bracelet pattern! I tried to make it more masculine for all the fellas out there :) email lydia.braceletsforchange@gmail.com to get yours!

People ask me what college I'm going to after high school.
They don't ask me what I want to do with my life.
They ask what college.
It's as if college is the object, not the life to be lived after it.
I don't understand.

People ask why I'm not just going for an art major.
As if that wouldn't be the easy thing.
They try and get their ideas for me in.
Make the things I'm considering seem less suitable.
This life has been given to me, not to them.
Lord love them,
He knows I do.
It's just hard to deal with people's assumptions for me when I'm dealing with 750 other things. Most unpleasant.

I want to go on a week long canoe trip.
I want to jump on a trampoline.
I want to swim the English channel, climb Mt. Everest, write a book.
I want to rescue little Albanian boys and girls from terrible, lifelong sex slavery.
I want to skinny dip in the Pacific, and splatter paint a house.
I long to take the hippie trail. From Europe to India;
From India to Nepal,
Back to Europe.

Even though I long to be free of the constraints put upon me by others,
by society in general,
I've gotta chill out.
I must breathe in.
And then out.
Drive the car a little bit to fast
with the music to loud.
Waiting on time
To carry me to freedom.
This is my life.
Now is the most important moment.
I don't want to waste it.





Lydia


Like a south bound train
Here's a song for leavin.
Don't you know that pain,
It's a part of the healin.

I really hate good-bye's.

Most people...most normal people...don't like having to let go and say good-bye to people. I am definitely this way. I hate it. I hate it like I hate death. We let people in, we submurge ourselves in the lives of people and allow them to have a deep part in our life, only to turn around one day and say good-bye, sometimes just for a season and other times for life.

Often-times our saying good-bye's are just for a short time. That's just what generally happens. I think the hardest good-bye's are the ones we say not knowing at all when we'll next see the person. The unknown is always scary. I have had to say goodbye to people this way several times this summer. It is so difficult. It's just hard. I find myself asking God why He's brought these people into my life only to take them away almost immediately. I know He's faithful, and I know there is a purpose to it...it doesn't make it any easier for me. I'm just grappling with my flesh and with my emotions...I'm being human.

I've always wondered why it hurts so much to say good-bye. I think I might actually know...maybe. It's because of love. It's because we pour into someone our love and we just love on them until we can't anymore. Then-POOF-they're gone. But, I do truly believe it's better to have loved until it hurts, than to not love at all. Yes, it doesn't make it any easier to say good-bye...but imagine how they feel being loved on. I know that if it were me, I want someone to love me without holding back anything.

Love until it hurts...and then love some more.

This is an example of the new bracelet I'm selling! Each button will be different and I found 4 different colours of hemp that I like and will be incorporating into different pieces of jewelry. $3 each, just like before.
Here's hoping that my Bracelets for Change line will raise some serious money once more. I'm headed for Jamaica again in January!

Shalom, friends.




Lydia

Summer's over, and how it flew by! My summer was a whirl wind of many different things: work outside, work inside, free work, and paid work. It had good moments, and bad. 82 days of being; a glimpse into what life is like on the other side of High School.
I was able to take advantage of a bunch of super fantastic oppurtunities such as: travel, teach a little girl how to read (!!!!), meet new people, help a fab old lady take care of her very special grandson, sell bracelets that I made to retailers, and just chill (a very little bit) with my ridiculously off the wall friends. So good.
And now, here I am: the end of the beginning. Finished with school on the first day of Senior year. Times change, and now is the time to hit the books, to return to academics, and to (hopefully) have more time to devote to art.
In the next few months I'll start calling colleges, and figuring fractions. It's time to read a lot, to glue a lot, to listen. It is time to spend time with the people I love, and will leave. It's time to have a steady schedule (sadface), and to make some really important decisions.
I'm buckleing down to face reality, and to bid adieu to life as I've always known it.

Now is the time,
Now is my time;
Now is really no different than all the other times, except for everything.

What is it about the ocean?

There's just something about the ocean that makes me want it, that stirs me up. I find myself drawn to it, daydreaming about it. When I step out near it, my emotional turbulence level immediately jerks upward. I feel like crying, and like laughing, but somehow, I also feel completely calm.

As I walked on the hard sand earlier tonight, the ocean's tide coming and going, it's breeze washing over me, I felt like a goddess...and a child. How is it that the ocean is so big, so truly mesmerizing, and yet so contradictory?

There was a sensation as though the oceans' hands were on me, running its' fingers through my hair, tracing the lines of my body. Just so, it played with my hair, pulled me here and there, as though I was its' child, and it wanted me to follow the same path it had chosen.

The ocean is so big that it houses its' own species: so beautiful that people drive for days to catch a glimpse, and so magnificent that an entire subculture is based around its' unique patterns and habits.

When I walk next to the ocean, I walk next to something frightening, something beautiful, something tremendous. It sings the world to sleep. It carasses the skin of children everywhere. The mountains, and valleys are impressive no doubt, but to me, the sea is the crowning glory of our galaxy. The moon shines over the entire ocean, highlighting the white caps. The sound of waves tumbling to shore lulls the people to sleep as we lay down, and embrace our natural rhythm.

At the end of the day, I followed the tide, and walked slowly beside my lover.

I'm home. Back from New York City, and slowing getting used to being at home and being back in my home routine. It's hard. I don't feel like I should be back. It seems like it's not right for me to be back and getting back to "life." But at the same time does feel good to be back. My heat is torn and my life has been wrecked, but that's only because of God. God's allowed me to be vulnerable, and allowed my heart to be changed. I've seen the change start, and I've seen Him change everything. My life's been put upside down, and I'm so excited to see where else He's going to take me.

Brianna